The Beginning's End
by rory (Jelena)
Disclaimer: Roswell and its characters belongs to the producers and the
WB...I couldn't come up with any of my own characters, so I had to borrow
someone else's. I'll give them back, I promise, don't sue me I don't have
Summary: Alex's mother runs out and he turns to Isabel for comfort, some
very, um, interesting aliens descend on Roswell, and the group takes the
granolith out for a test run...this one is going to be really long.
Authors Note: Feedback, please! This is my first fanfic!
I don't know what to think anymore. I am not who she said I was, not what
all of them say I am. I do remember that person, like an old book I once
read, faded but familiar. Sometimes that girl who I was sneaks up on me, and
I find myself living old memories that are not mine. I am not that girl, no
matter how many of her memories float around in my head, no matter what
anyone says. I don't know who I am anymore, but I know this: I am not her.
Isabel put down the pen and pushed her chair back. It felt good, in an odd
way, to get it out, this secret turmoil she had been hiding for weeks. It
was almost as if in writing it, it became less a part of her and helped her
deal with it. She knew she should write the rest of it down, get it on paper
too. It would help, but she just couldn't. Setting it down made it less a
part of her, true, but it also made it real. She couldn't force herself to
make the last part real. It was too terrifying. It made her afraid of
herself, afraid to trust herself.
Sighing, Isabel stood up and stretched, debating. Her eyes fell on the
clock, and she decided it really was too late to be up. She grabbed her PJs
off the chair and pulled them on. Despite the hour, she wasn't really ready
to go to bed, but as it was she was going to be exhausted tomorrow. At least
she could still get some sleep.
As she was climbing into bed, the phone rang. The sound was such a shock,
offensive after the prolonged silence she had enjoyed since the rest of the
house went to bed. She couldn't believe anyone would call at 2 am, but she
knew without a doubt that it was Alex. He was the only one who would call
her at 2 (heck, he was the only person she knew who would be up), and the
only one who would know that she too would be up. Sometimes it seemed to
Isabel that Alex was the only one who really cared for her. Oh, sure, Max
loved her, and Michael worried about her (despite his denials), and Liz and
Maria and Tess thought of her as a friend. She sighed. Not one of them
realized something was wrong, or figured out what it was. Only Alex had.
Despite the ease with which he understood her, Isabel could never quite
figure Alex out. Sometimes he seemed so simple. His feelings for her were so
obvious, and she could practically finish his sentences for him. But then at
other times, she had absolutely no idea what he was thinking or what was
going on inside his head.
Then, there was the whole other issue of how she felt about him. She sighed.
Sometimes, he was like a brother, either cute and little or older and
protective, depending on her mood. Then other times, he was like a best
friend, to talk with on the phone and watch stupid chick flicks with. But
despite the overwhelmingly non-sexual way she saw him most of the time, once
in a while he seemed like everything in the world she had ever wanted, and
she was so attracted to him that it made her skin tingle just being near
him. Attraction had never been something that came and went for Isabel, and
it had certainly never been this uncontrollable. She didn't know what to do
about the whole situation, and everything she tried only seemed to make it
worse. Their short-lived romance had only made things more difficult. Half
the time she had felt like she was kissing her brother. But breaking up with
him hadn't helped at all. Now she was happy when he felt like a brother, but
miserable whenever she felt that almost uncontrollable urge to kiss him. And
she knew he was confused by her mixed reactions. Hence his bad response to
the whole "just friends" thing.
She reached over to pick up the phone, sighing. I seem to be doing a lot of
that lately, she thought wryly, her mouth quirking into a half smile.
"Hello Alex," she said playfully, and almost laughed when Alex spoke as
though she hadn't.
"Hello Mrs. Evans. I'm so sorry to have woken you. I need to... Oh." She did
laugh as he trailed off, his mind finally catching up with what he had just
"What do you mean by doing that to me, huh, Isabel? You let the phone ring
so long, I came up with a plan for what to say when one of your parents
answered. I even had a speech!" he finished indignantly.
"Gee Alex, you must have something pretty important to say if you were
willing to risk parental displeasure. Then again, I don't think anything
could make my mom not like you. She thinks you are the perfect teenage guy.
So I don't really know what you were worried about."
"Isabel! Don't change the subject! You almost gave me an aneurism!"
"An aneurism? Oh, Alex. A normal person would have said heart attack, but
no, not Alex."
"Oh all right, all right." She giggled softly to herself. It was such fun,
messing with him. "First of all, I don't know what right you have to be mad,
you are the one who called at 2 in the morning. Second, everyone in my
family sleeps like a log, even Max, so you had nothing to worry about.
Third, I was in the middle of changing when you called." As soon as the
words were out of her mouth, she realized she was flirting, trying to make
Alex think of her half dressed on purpose. Oh, so that's how it's gonna be,
she thought. Tonight is an uncontrollable urge to kiss him night. Good thing
we're only on the phone.
"So what was so important Alex? Why did you call? Have another dream?" she
"Ha ha, very funny Isabel. No." Ever since she had entered a very, um,
steamy dream of Alex's and had a little innocent fun, he thought she was
dreamwalking in every dream he had about her. Granted, the sheer number of
dreams he had about her was enough to make any girl's head swell, but Isabel
was not going anywhere near Alex's dreams any time soon. Not only the
tongue-lashing he had given her, but the way she had felt when she woke up
made her pause. She could barely control herself around him for weeks, the
attraction was so strong.
"So why did you call then?"
"I just...um...couldn't sleep. I don't have anything important to say, well,
"Not really? Come on Alex. Whatever's the matter, out with it."
"Well...I had another fight with my dad." Isabel could hear the pain in his
voice as he said it. He and his father had been very close, until just
recently, until his mom left.
"Oh Alex, I'm sorry. I know how much you hate that."
"Yeah. Well, this one was the worst."
"Why? What happened?" Isabel asked with concern. For Alex to even mention it
had been bad meant it had to have been horrendous.
"I didn't do the laundry, and then he just blew up, said some pretty
"What did he say, Alex?"
"That it was my fault that Mom left," he said softly, as if saying it
quietly made it less true.
"WHAT!?" Isabel shouted. If she got much louder she was going to wake up the
house, logs of not, but just that second she did not care. "Alex, you have
to know that's not true at all! Your mom's leaving was no one's fault, least
of all yours!"
Well, yeah, I knew that," he said gruffly, trying to cover his
vulnerability, but even through his apparently confident tone, Isabel could
hear an echo of doubt. "But anyways," he continued, "after...some other not
so great stuff...the end result was that he kicked me out. Not like forever
or anything," he added hastily, "but just until his temper cools down, I
"He kicked you out?!? Then where are you right now?"
"I'm, well, I'm... at a pay phone"
"You mean to tell me that you spent all that time talking about how long I
let the phone ring while you are standing in a phone booth?!?" Isabel took a
deep calming breath. She had to be calm. For Alex. First things first.
"Where are you going to stay?"
"That's actually why I'm calling you. I needed to know if you think Michael
will put me up for the night if I just barge in over there. I didn't really
think he would turn me down, but Michael and I are not exactly close. I just
couldn't think where else to go."
Isabel knew he wasn't really worried about whether Michael would take him in
or not. He was just trying to stall. Actually going to Michael's would be
accepting the fact that his dad really had thrown him out, and he didn't
want to face that. I wonder what time his dad kicked him out? she thought. I
bet he's been wandering around, trying to find excuses to be out, so he
wouldn't have to deal with the truth.
"Alex, there is no question at all that Michael would take you in. He knows
what it's like not to have a place to go. But you do have a place to go."
"What are you talking about, Isabel? There is no where else." The stark pain
in his voice cut her like a knife, so she hurried on. Despite Michael's
experiences, he was not very good at dealing with feelings. Now that is an
understatement if I have ever heard one, she thought.
"You have me, Alex. You can stay here."
"Isabel, I don't think your parents would like that. Your mom may like me,
but if I wake her up at 2 in the morning so I can have a slumber party with
her 17 year old daughter, I don't think she would be too happy." "They won't
have to know. Dad leaves before we get up, and Mom wouldn't notice if we had
three eyes and an extra arm as long as we leave on time for school. We can
explain things to Max a little in the morning. You know Max. He will be
totally discreet. It will all work out."
"But don't you think it would just be easier if I-''
"But nothing. You are coming here and that is that. If I don't see you in
ten minutes, I am calling the police."
"OK, OK, I'm coming"
As Isabel set down the phone, she frowned to herself. Even as she worried
about Alex and tried to figure out how to help him, another part of her
debated whether or not to change into the one pair of sexy pajamas she
owned. As if that would help Alex at all.
But even as she tried to turn away from the thought, she could not help but
consider it. Alex has never seen me in pajamas before, she thought. What if
he thinks I look gross? Finally she decided to compromise, ignoring the sexy
satin lingerie she bought last year, and instead chose a nice tank top and
flannels. She shook her head disgustedly as she pulled them on. I can't
believe I just spent five minutes deciding what to wear.
The Beginning's End Part 2